Well

Ah. So, I've been writing in my journal about my experience and differences between America and Korea and all that cultural adjustment kind of stuff because I'm realizing I'm reaching the phase of my time here where I don't feel the need to comment on everything and be like "OH OK THAT'S DIFFERENT THAN IN AMERICA." (I am still making a list to blog about at some point though).

I still do it, usually when I'm with fellow foreigners, if it's something completely new to me. Or I make a mental note so I don't forget to write about it or acknowledge this difference. Basically though, the things that used to make me laugh, like corn pizza, are just blending into the scenery. Don't get me wrong, I still suck at using chopsticks and my Korean is total crap but I am getting more and more used to it here.

And with that, came the first time I was legitimately frustrated. It lasted a moment. A fleeting, head-ache encouraged longing for the sweet simplicity of a shopping mall filled with people who spoke my language and did not feel the need to stare at me. A place where I could hold a shoe in my hand ready for purchase and not get ignored and disrespected as I tried to communicate to them. A place where the bathing suits are plentiful and dressing rooms are secluded havens separate from the wandering eyes of passerby. A place... like America.

I felt like crap and started to become agitated as I walked through a sea of well-dressed Korean people through the Coex mall, sat down and ate my kim chi jjigeh alone as the Korean peeps around me watched me while they ate what was dubbed on a nearby poster as "authentic New York pizza," which in actuality was Sbarro. Normally, I would eat away, pleasantly amused by the casual irony of the moment but not TODAY. No, that instance just added to the tally of grievances that led me to my eventual GRR I NEED TO LEAVE THIS MALL OH WAIT I HAVE TO TURN AROUND AND GO BACK IN BECAUSE I STILL HAVE NONE OF THE ITEMS I CAME IN HERE FOR & I KNOW I'M A FOREIGNER AND I GET IT BUT I'M ALSO A PERSON AND JUST WANT TO BE ACKNOWLEDGED AS THAT AND NOT AS A FOREIGNER FOR LIKE 5 MINUTES, THANKS moment.

Yeah. It needed a CAPS. Culture shock was briefly mentioned in one of my lessons the other day, and the way the book described it made me realize that I have never had culture shock in any real sense. I've had culture "omigah everything's in a different language and the airplane was an excellent invention having transported me in such a relatively short amount of time given the actual miles we have traversed," but never culture shock. *Note: I recognize my disregard for dashes in the previous two dash-worthy statements.* Yet, this moment I had was interesting to me because in a way, I was seeing my surroundings as I would perceive them if I were in the US, as a fully-functioning, easily blending into the canvas, as Stella the person and not Stella the foreigner who knows and accepts her role as such. I think it happened in part, because I am constantly in the bubble of Chungdahm, surrounded by foreigners and English fluency. I manage outside of the bubble fairly well now, I get on the right trains, buses, can read the characters and have my ahnyoungs, nehs, random somewhat useless words like dog and cat and basic questions down nicely, but I don't know Korean. Furthermore, this is not MY country. I expect to be treated fairly in most regards, and yeah, like every culture Korea does have it's faults in the way that it treats outsiders, but so does the US. What it boils down to, essentially, is that I'm always going to be a foreigner, but if I don't want to be perceived as simply this and nothing more and have the most satisfying experience that I can, then I need to quit my whining and strap on the Hangul hat and get going with this!

Essentially, my frustration melted away fairly easily partially because I walked into a shoe store and the sales people were dancing and clapping but also because all of the little great moments that make me happy flood back into my brain... Such as how the woman who lives near me deepened her voice to make her dog say "Ahnyounghaseo" to me the other day, the adorable babies I see on the streets in matching outfits or those times when some random person yells "HELLO!" to me with a smile, and I quickly remember why I love Korea.

Hate to end on a bad note, but I've been pretty preoccupied this evening trying to think of what is going to happen North-South since the South is probably going to take strong economic measures against the North after confirming that they were most likely behind the bombing of the navy ship. I feel that this strong reaction is exactly what KJI would want because it gives him an opportunity to say that the South is trying to instigate the undermining of his regime, and use this as a justification for any sort of attack. BLAH I really hope things can be worked out diplomatically and that the bombing of the ship was part of scare tactics to try to instill confidence in the legacy of KJI's regime via his son. I know the economic situation there is dire, so maybe KJI will refrain from combat under conditions of economic support. I know KJI is a lot of talk and that a war would harm them more than help in the end, but I also don't feel comfortable instilling my trust in the possible rationality of an irrational man with the third largest stockpile of biological weapons on the planet aimed at the city I reside 20 miles away from.